Today I apologized to my older students for the fact that I've had no sense of humor this year. One of them replied, "Yeah. Why is that?" I told him it was because my illusions of grandeur had come crashing down. The conversation turned after that, so I didn't explain (not that I could have fully explained anyway, since he's a student...).
The fact is, I have discovered I am definitely not super-teacher, I've just had really super kids. Not that I thought I was super-teacher before - I knew my weaknesses - but I thought I was pretty good.
And then this year happened, in which I have a student I absolutely cannot control. He gets my goat EVERY SINGLE DAY, and I simply cannot handle him.
And then I think about my other students, who give me tons of words of affirmation, as well as occasional gift cards, guitar strings, photo albums, handmade scarves, candles, notepads, and pictures that say "Miss Murray Rocks" on them. What kind of adversity is that?! It's easy to think you're good when your students are as kind and generous as they are!
But this kid's idea of a joke is to mutter "I hate you" and then say he was talking to his imaginary friend (don't worry, I didn't let him get away with it... nor do I think he really hates me. He just thinks that kind of thing is a good joke. I do not.), or to walk as circuitously and swaggeringly to his desk as possible when I tell him to sit down. I just don't know how to reach him, and (this is the worst part) most of the time I don't even want to. I am not super-teacher after all.
In a recent staff meeting, however, I was greatly encouraged, when the headmaster pointed out that the most important thing we can do is love our students, especially those who (like this particular student) have faced incredibly difficult things in their lives. I've thought of that pretty much every day since then, and have found some moments where the two of us could laugh together, or I could interject some affirming word.
Also, I'm greatly encouraged by the fact that today, when I was about to complain to someone and let out a mighty wail, I remembered to pray instead. I've been preaching that to my older students all year: go to God FIRST. And I finally remembered to do it myself. The day ended up so well!
So I guess it all comes down to this: I know I am a good teacher in some ways (I'm not feeling TOO down on myself, don't worry - haha), but I also know I have as many weaknesses as the next guy (or more) and am in desperate need of the help of God to make me the kind of teacher I need to be. I think this is a pretty good place to be.
Illusions out - faith in.
5 comments:
Good stuff, Andrea. Thank you!
And I love that last line: Illusions out. Faith in. Amen.
I love you :)
I'm glad you ended up the post on such a good note, because I was getting ready to "preach" to you... haha!
But instead, I'll just say that I can sympathize on a very small level. One of the students in my intern sounds just like your "trouble" student, only to a higher degree since he is not a Christian and therefore uses much stronger language than just "hate." So I can relate to the frustration and helplessness one feels to actually get through to him, or even want to try.
Glad you have God to help you! And I support you! And I also am amazed by your natural-teacher greatness.... I believe in it :)
Isn't it funny how much harder it is to believe God in "real life" stuff, especially when it's actually happening to you?
Illusions are so much easier...Sigh.
I like how your last major paragraph has such universal application, and I do mean universal. You could take out the word "teacher" and replace it with any other title:
"I know I am a good ________ in some ways, but I also know I have as many weaknesses as the next guy (or more) and am in desperate need of the help of God to make me the kind of _________I need to be. I think this is a pretty good place to be."
In my case, I'd put "mother" in that blank, and that sums things up pretty well.
Thanks for the oh-so-timely reminder that DEPENDENCE ON HIM is JUST WHAT HE WANTS FROM ME.
Yep, I pretty much love that last line too...Oh, by the way, can you write my TOR article for me? That line sounds pretty much like what I want to say. Sort of. I'm having difficulties, in case you couldn't tell. And it's due on Sunday. Ha ha! Thanks, superteacher!
When you said that forlorn line, something like, "I am not superteacher after all" it brought to mind a Calvin and Hobbesesqe mental image...You, a dejected figure, in some sort of superhero costume, with a cape trailing droopily behind you.
HA! Claire! I thought that must be the deadline you were blogging about (or should I say, "blogging because of"?).
You have my sympathy : )
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