Tolkien Humor

I admit I was just wasting time taking some online quizzes. I found one about knowing you're addicted to LOTR when... Some of them made me laugh right out loud. Here's a small sampling:

-Whenever you close a door, you say "They have a cave troll!"

-You've become strangely obsessed with mushrooms.

-You sometimes let your hair go curly after a wash, and then run around the house in bare feet yelling "I'm a hobbit!"

-When you come to a dead end you're still convinced that the road goes ever on and on.

-Every time you see birds in the sky you have the urge to say "Fly you fools!"

-You just can't keep yourself from saying "nobody tosses a Dwarf" at inappropriate moments.

-A shadow and a threat is growing in your mind.

-You stand in the doorway and tell your cat that he 'Can not pass'.

A Red Letter Day

Not only is my friend incredibly famous, but today is her graduation day! Congratulations, Amy! I'm so thankful for your friendship. I love you!

An Evening of Festivity

When Penny came up yesterday to give me a graduation card and gift from her and Nate, I remembered that graduation is supposed to be fun and exciting - a celebration! Before she came up I was completely stressed out about everything I had to remember to attend - and which part of the graduation attire to wear at which event, and whether I would trip going up on stage, and when to be where, and where "where" even was. But Penny, and later a chat with an excited Gretchen on the phone, started to get me in the proper frame of mind.

At last it was time to get the events moving, and I jumped in my car and sped off to PC. That is what really pushed me over the edge into enjoyment. PC was at its peak of beauty. The campus was immaculate, and things were budding left and right.

The first event was the English majors' reception. Seldom (perhaps only at Fairwood during a Feast, or at a Red Sox game) have there been so many stellar people all assembled in one room as when the PC English faculty gather. I met Dad, Mom and Gretchen for the occasion, and thoroughly enjoyed chatting up a storm with professors old and new.

But I had to tear myself away from there for the evening's awards ceremony. Unfortunately, I didn't know where the event was to take place. I mean, I knew the name of the gym, but not the location. So I thought I'd just go with the flow. Sadly the flow was also ignorant. Two other students and myself wandered around in the depths of Alumni Hall, trying in vain to locate our peers. At last we did indeed discover them, and began the lengthy process of organization.

When we finally began the procession, and entered the gym, I found myself in the front row, on the aisle (i.e. in the exact center of the room - for all to see should I faint). If you're in the front row on the aisle, you can hardly go with the flow, because you can really only see the person directly beside you. And she doesn't look like someone who can be trusted to know what she's doing.

Happily I was able to avoid any major faux pas, and the evening progressed cheerily. I couldn't stop smiling in fact - I was just so happy for all those nice kids getting awards. Even though I'd never seen some of them before. I must have been tired. But it really was quite an enjoyable occasion, and I got to shake hands with the president of the college, so who can ask for more? And as the faculty was processing out, Dr. Johnson slipped me a Hershey (insert copyright symbol here) Kiss as a little supplementary award.

And now I must away to get ready for the Honors Ceremony. The excitement just never ends...

Melissa Saves the Day!

I sat down at the computer this morning to take on the day's portion of the application process, and was completely daunted just looking at the words I'd typed up the day before. I was so sick of reading what I'd written, and I did NOT want to proof-read it!

So I decided to go get an iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts. Obvious solution. And fortunately, RI has more Dunkin Donuts per square foot than any other state. I love Rhode Island. However, I got out to my car and found the battery (surprisingly enough) was dead.

So Melissa drove me to Dunkin Donuts! Save #1.

I got back to the house completely rejuvenated, and ready for action. I read my work from yesterday and decreed it perfect. And then I tied up all the loose ends. And then I was ready to put it into the envelope and mail it off! It was a thrilling moment. Until I read the little blurb at the top of the application: "Please send this application with an updated resume to..."

RESUME?!

This was indeed a blow. I didn't have a resume. I had just filled out 10 pages of information, and enclosed 7 essays, and they still wanted a resume? What more was there to be said?!

Fortunately Mr. Pass had been down visiting Nate and Penny a few weeks before, and I had gone down to get a refresher course on resume-making. He had taught us how in Transition Class (as they called it way back in my day), but I had doodled throughout the class, doubtless thinking of all the things I had to do and how I would never need to have a resume anyway. Hmmmmm.

So I took some of the sample resumes I'd gleaned from his collection, and went to work. After hearing me groan and moan for awhile, Melissa came in to offer assistance. She suggested some excellent wording, as well as some key points for the "work experience" section. Suddenly it was much better. Save #2.

And then she gave me some wicked professional looking paper to print it on. It came out looking excellent. Save #3.

By this time, however, I had missed the mail pick-up, which is around 2. And of course, my battery was still dead. So Melissa drove me to the Post Office and I got the resume/application safely into the mail, on its way to Middletown! Save #4.

I told Melissa that if I get this job, it will be because of her.

The Application Instant

I am in the midst of applying to teach at in Middletown, RI, so I thought I'd post a blog about the application process. But then I was thinking about that word "process" and how it means a long, arduous, grueling length of time. So I wishfully titled the post to reflect the way I think the application business should occur.

But in reality it has been a process. This is an intense application, boy oh boy. It includes SEVEN short essays, with such questions as "What is your philosophy of discipline?" and "Why do you wish to teach in a Christian school?"

It would have been so much fun to answer them flippantly. My philosophy of discipline? Ha! I barely know how to say no to anyone! But other than that, I'd say when a kid does something bad you whack 'em! And I wish to teach in a Christian school because that's the only kind that will take someone without teacher's certification. Oh ya, and also I'm hoping kids at a Christian school won't be as scary as kids at a public school.

Hmm. Somehow I didn't think that would go over so well. So instead I answered very profoundly and eloquently about forming young minds and helping them to make good choices...

Anyway, I took my prospective short answers over to Danny's last night, and he helped me improve them, and come up with something to say about my "personal Christian philosophy of Education." Hurrah for smart brothers! (Right, Linds?)

So today I thought I could finish that up, fill in all the annoying little things, and have it off in the evening mail.

Five hours later I have not even finished the annoying little things, let alone finishing up the short answers. Sigh. But it's in good shape, and I should be able to get it out in tomorrow's mail for sure!

The Weird Day of Terror

I cannot even tell you how many times Melissa and I said the word "weird" yesterday. But the climax of weirdness was saved for last. Penny and I were watching "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" and were being very moved by the story, when suddenly Amy burst in, followed by Melissa, exclaiming that TJ and Uncle Paul were about to be murdered. We looked up in mild alarm (one has to know how to take such declarations) and Amy explained that a car had driven into the driveway and was over by the church with its lights off and had been for 20 minutes or so. Uncle Paul and TJ were going to investigate. TJ was armed with a menacing specimen from his knife and sword collection

Penny and I joined Melissa and Amy in the entryway, fruitlessly peering out into the darkness. Suddenly the tension in the house heightened as an unknown car drove into our driveway. We were relieved when Aunt Laurie walked in, but then were nervous again when she suggested we call the police. She had driven by to see if Uncle Paul needed any help, and he hadn't responded to her query, instead coughing in a furtive manner. It looked very suspicious. And as she came to our house, she saw a man walking toward the house. Pulses went up a bit. I backed up Aunt Laurie's plan to call the police, and Penny went to get Nate. If there were strange men coming toward the house, we wanted an un-strange man (well...) to be inside the house to confront him.

As Aunt Laurie was on the phone describing the situation to the police, Nate came up from the basement apartment brandishing a loaded gun. This was serious. However, by that time we realized that the man Aunt Laurie had seen was probably TJ, since Laurie hadn't seen him by the car. So we assured Nate that things weren't desperate enough for a gun yet.

Nate went out to do some quiet investigating (without the gun), and upon his return (for which I was standing by the door with a paint can raised high to bop him on the head should he be a stranger) he said the strange car was still there, but Paul was unseen. I helpfully surmised that the person in the car was eating people. Both TJ and Uncle Paul were unaccounted for.

We hovered nervously, collecting an arsenal including further specimens from TJ's collection, the marble rolling pin, and a candle snuffer.

Our fears were allayed when Aunt Laurie called to tell us TJ was at her house and had said everything was fine. Now we weren't scared, but we were in danger of death by curiosity.

Finally Uncle Paul arrived back at the house to give his side of the story. He'd gone out to find a woman who was very depressed because of recent tragedy, and who had driven in thinking this was a different church. Unfortunately, Uncle Paul could barely do his pastoral counseling with the flurry of activity surrounding him.

First Aunt Laurie drove by and called to him - he tried to assure her everything was fine. Then she drove by again, the other way. Meanwhile there were various shadows appearing and disappearing. And then, the crowning moment came when he was praying with this poor soul, and Grandpa came out onto his porch and boomed out "Don't worry, Paul, Laurie called the police!" And again, "Paul, the police are on their way, everything's okay!" The woman drove off shortly after, in no mood to be questioned by the police, and Uncle Paul returned to the house to hear our wild surmises, and to wonder where in the pastoral charge the line about confronting dangerous criminals in the driveway comes in. He's pretty sure that next time it happens it will be under the deacon's jurisdiction.

In Honor of the Yankees being Swept by the Devil Rays

Baseball is a wonderful sport. In so many ways. But one of the reasons I love it so much is its incredible heritage. The first time I became aware of this was when Ted Williams died, and there was a huge ceremony for him at Fenway. After I listened to it, I went up to Gretchen's and raved for about three hours (okay, maybe not quite...) about what a rich history baseball has, and what an extraordinary priviledge it is to be a part of it all (yes, fans are a part of baseball's heritage).

But our good friend James Earl Jones can put it better than I - and did so in this fantastic quote from Field of Dreams: "The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past, Ray. It reminds us of all that once was good, and that could be again. Oh people will come, Ray. People will most definitely come."

The Rights of Man

You know how sometimes, when something bad happens, you say "well, at least it wasn't..." and fill in the blank with some horrific occurrence? Well today that horrific occurrence happened. In the past when my car battery was dead I could have said, "well, at least it wasn't the day of a final exam or anything." Today was the day of a final exam, and my car battery was very very dead. And I was already leaving the house at pretty much the last moment. For some reason I was really mad. And then I was even angrier when the police were parked by the side of the highway pulling random people over and causing the worst traffic tie-up I've been in in months. How dare they? I was fifteen minutes late for my exam. As I was mounting to the fourth floor, thinking how unfair it was, I suddenly remembered what it was I was going to post about yesterday (if I hadn't been studying for two exams...).

Yesterday I was going to post about how ludicrous it is for advertisements to talk about people deserving things. I turned on the radio to hear this whiney woman on a commercial for some dentist say "I deserve to be respected" and this whiney man say "I deserve a great smile." WHAT?!?! Where in the constitution of human beings does it say you deserve either of those things? I remembered a commercial I'd heard earlier: "I deserve time for myself," "I deserve to be pampered." What is that? I deserve to be pampered?!?! Ay ay ay. What a philosophy. What on earth gives people the idea that they have the right to all the things they claim rights to? (We won't even get into the argument that American's have the right to government provided health care - my blood pressure has spiked enough for one day.)

And then there I was climbing the stairs, fifteen minutes late for an exam, and thinking "This is so not right." What?! I deserve to have nothing bad ever happen to my car? Where in the constitution of human beings does it say I deserve anything?

So now I understand a little better what it is that those commercials are trying to tap in to. There seems to be some part of human nature that feels it is entitled to happiness, perfection, and 100% good times. This, of course, is not the case. In humanity's fallen condition we are deserving of nothing. And that is a condition that is far from being remedied by a good dentist!

But on the other hand, perhaps this aspect of human nature comes from that thing in us that is remembering the Garden of Eden, and that knows there is better than this to be had. And the eternally good news is that the human condition is one that HAS been remedied by God. And one day, though we do not deserve it on our own merit, we WILL have happiness, perfection, and 100% good times.

We won't even have final exams to be late to in the first place, let alone dead car batteries!

A Character Sketch

My last day of college, which I was afraid would be weepy all the way through, was a wonderful day, full of unexpected and pleasant surprises. The foremost of these was Julia's appearance. Julia is one of the most interesting and amazing people I have ever met. She graduated from PC last year, and chose my last day of classes to return for a visit.

Julia is one of those rare people who is at ease with everyone, and completely free from collegiate stereotypes. She dresses classily, speaks eloquently, and laughs easily. She was an English major, completely entranced with great literature, but also loved music and theatre and anything Medieval. Her favorite saint is St. Catherine of Sienna, whose feast day is Julia's birthday.

She just spent a year volunteering with the Dominicans in Chicago, living with other volunteers and nuns, and teaching Humanities to homeless women in the city. She is presently teaching science fiction, at the request of those women. She is about to move back in with her parents, to help them with projects on the house, and to be there for the spiritual awakening that is happening in her father's life. Talking to her made me remember that there is endless potential in life-after-college, contrary to my thinking earlier in the day, which ran along the lines of 100% stress.

It seems like the college world is full of so many people who are so very much like all the other people. But Julia stood out to me as someone who is genuine and different, confident and apathy-free.

Having her show up on a day that could potentially have been depressing was a little gift from God, and evidence of His care for me - a care that will certainly continue in the future, whatever that future may hold!

Blank

Oh dear. This is dreadful. I wicked want to post, but I have nothing to say! All I could think of at first were all the things that had annoyed me today (bad drivers; the way people say Gahd instead of God – which is one of the most annoying things in the universe; Constantine’s demise – which is worse than annoying; etc.) and that’s not too cheerful. And then all I could think of were one or two really little ideas that were defying development (like the fact that I saw about 62 semis coming home from Craig’s awesome concert last night – I was going to write about how I had uncovered this great conspiracy; or the fact that tomorrow is my last day of classes, but I already wrote about my last paper, so that might be redundant; or the thunderstorm we’re in – but what more can I say than that I love thunder, and Molly, hates it). And then, of course, there are the topics that are only of real interest to me (I saw my philosophy professor on the way to my organ lesson, and stopped to chat; Uncle Paul bought M&Ms; I dreamed about John Thomas cutting down trees). Sigh. So I am reduced to writing about having nothing to write about. But this may actually be a valuable lesson to you people still in school – this is the way to write papers when they have to be six pages long, and you only have five pages worth of material. You just kind of drivelize…

A Day of Infamy/Joy (it's hard to say which)

Well, folks, today I turned in the last paper of my college experience. No more analyzing texts looking for answers. No more finding hidden meanings and following them to their conclusions. No more thrilling moments of realizing a great idea. No more careful structuring. No more double spacing and 12 font. No more thinking, "wow, this is a good paper. Maybe the professor will suggest I publish it." No more walking out of class with the exhilaration of having just turned in the piece I've been working on for days. Sigh. I loved paper writing. And yet, somehow I don't think I'm going to lose sleep in my despair at having to stop writing them. As much fun as they could be, they were hard work, and pressure, and deadlines. And any diminishing of those things is good.

I wish I could do a quick tally of all the papers I've written in the past four years. But that would mean a lot of digging under my bed. But according to a very rough estimate from the couch, I have easily done over 50. Wow. That is a lot of writing. So I guess I won't complain about having to take a break for awhile. But forgive me if my blog postings start getting longer and longer, and develop thesis statements. I might be going through withdrawal.

In the Groove

Okay, so while I'm pointing out ways to improve New England, I'll go ahead and mention the roads. I just followed the same True Value semi all the way up route 13 and then 101, before I turned off at the Cider Mill (yes, I'm writing from an alternate location). Not a passing zone to be had, unless you count the one where we encountered a long string of traffic, similarly stuck behind a slow driver, coming in the opposite direction and thus precluding any passing maneuvers. Sigh. New England could use a lot more multi lane highways. But other than that and the long winters, there's not a better place on earth!

Papers and Sports

For all of you who were worried, the two papers I was working on last week (for which I blame the dirth of posts) have been turned in. That feeling of relief is worth a posting itself. But I'm going to move right along to the next paper.

The paper I'm planning now is going to be awesome, because I figured out how to make "frames" in a word document. I'm talking about two different characters, so I can put relevant notes into individual frames. I'm really excited about that. I think I'll put it on my resume.

But the other reason this paper is going to be awesome is that it's being planned during a Red Sox game AND a Celtics game! Sports and more sports!

I was watching the Celtics, and wondered what the inventor of basketball (whose name I forget right now - which is no surprise - I can't remember the names of most of my classmates) would think if he could see the sport now. I wonder if he ever imagined how good people would get. That's one of my main points when engaging in apologetics regarding being a sports fan. Sports demand perfection. There is nothing relativistic about sports. You have to be the best of the best to do what those people can do.

Meanwhile, the planning for this latest paper is coming along famously...

Celebration!

Hurrah for Benedict XVI!

Today I heard bells as I was sitting in Biology class - and the sconces outside of St. Domenic's chapel at PC were draped in white and gold instead of the previous black fabric.

TJ came in as I was glued to the TV watching the news, and wondered about why there was all the hoopla. I spouted off all of the rhetoric I could think of in the Pope's defense (including things I don't even believe). Aunt Laura said she wasn't sure TJ should go to PC after all:)

Anyway, I'm very thankful for a Pope who seems like such a Godly man.

I Can See Clearly Now

I am getting into the habit of this blue skies business. But it's still a rush every time I wake up and see it has happened again! The feeling reminds me of being in Israel. Every single morning I'd wake up to blue skies. I kept reveling in it, and it didn't hit me until far into my visit that every day was going to be the same blue skies and sunshine, because that was the weather for that time of year - always - every day. Wow.

Actually, it did rain once while I was there, but it was during a dust storm, which made it such a unique experience that it was okay not to have a blue sky for one day. During that storm, the majority of which I spent outside, my shirt became not wet, but muddy. I have never experienced anything like it. There were spatters of mud all over me, as if I had been walking along Huxley Ave in Providence, and a huge bus had driven by at a colossal speed, relocating the nearby mud puddle onto me. But it wasn't a bus - it was the rain coming through the dust-laden air. Weird. But very cool.

Now I am usually a very patriotic person, but I think perhaps Israel has something with this blue sky thing, and it should be adopted in the US. My proposal is sunshine 13 out of 14 days, with rain during the necessary nights, and for one day every two weeks (this is a concession to all you frolic-in-the-rain fans). This would last for 10 months of the year. For the other two months I propose sunshine six out of seven days, with sticky snow one day a week (this could be called winter).

I will now entertain discussion on the floor...

The Power of Suggestion

I am way too susceptible to the power of suggestion. I was feeling very sickly yesterday, and became absolutely convinced it was because my diet did not include enough electrolytes.

It did not matter that I had barely heard of electrolytes before that day's biology lecture. Nor did it matter how much I told myself it was probably because I'd forgotten to eat lunch. Dr. Zarcaro had said that people had serious problems when they don't include electrolytes in their diet, and that must be my affliction.

It got so bad that I actually went into the convenience store, when I stopped to buy gas, in order to buy some gatorade. I carefully read the ingredients and confirmed that Gatorade does indeed include electrolytes, although there was no specific mention of potassium, which was what my strange brain had decided was the problem. But I made do with the electrolytes that were there, and went back to the car.

I felt fine as soon as we had dinner. I think it was the fact that I skipped lunch.

On the way home it was dark, and I kept thinking about this blurb I heard on the radio about how you should only drive in the fast lane when you can see the tail lights of the car in front of you in that lane. Drunk drivers who get on the highway going the wrong direction almost always stay in what they think is the slow lane, but which is really the fast lane in the opposite direction.

I had all kinds of visions of swerves and near misses, but not so many as the visions of body casts, and a blog entitled "Dictating Skills" or something, which would start: "No, I did not take over a small island and subject its inhabitants to my whims. Instead, I am lying in the hospital, dictating this blog to my mother [which I realize now was a silly thing to think, since Mama can't type very fast, and it would be mean to ask her to take dictation]."

The power of suggestion, where I am concerned, is scarily like a command of suggestion. Please nobody leave a comment about how new studies show that shaving one's head results in lower cholesterol.

Some Definitions

Procrastination: Andrea writing a blog posting despite the fact that a very menacing paper is hovering over her head

Funny: The Red Sox fans' standing ovation of Mariano Rivera

Classy: Rivera's reaction to the ovation

Ironic: Finding my debit card a day or two after spending ten bucks ordering a new one

Story of my Life: See above

Ironic (2): The fact that blogger's spell check doesn't recognize the word "blog"

Annoying: Hearing someone else on IM (bbrrrING, BRRRiinngg)

Stress Relief: A blanket on the lawn, sunshine, a dear friend

Spring: The time where you get unforeseen urges to take the left turn, instead of the right, which will take you to the ocean instead of to class

Conservatism: The force that keeps in the right lane at such a time

Happiness: Knowing there's a Red Sox/Yankees game in a few minutes - which means I can "write my paper" in front of the ball game

Procrastination (2): Watching the Red Sox/Yankees game despite the fact that one has a very menacing paper hovering over ones head

Warmth at Last

Spring is a-coomin' in! I was driving down the road and realized that the sidewalk was heavily laden with people. Everyone was emerging from their bunkers, where they had hunkered all winter (hunker bunkers - keep it in mind for the next game of hink pink), to enjoy the long-delinquent outdoors. I began noticing strangers smiling at me. Since I wasn't wearing my hair in any extraordinary way or anything, I concluded that they were just happy because it was warm. Indeed, the exchanged grins seemed to be a part of a New England wide conspiracy. We have survived the winter, and we can now enjoy the spring in a way no one else can. Good job, my fellow New Englanders! We have made it through yet again, with that much added character, and that much greater reason to rejoice in the sunshine.

Call Me Ishmael's Fan

I am presently completely enamored of the book Moby Dick. I was expressing my affection for the character of Ishmael to Melissa, when she lamented "another Ishmaelite..."

But who could fail to be taken by this opening passage (which makes me think of Alexander Pope's comment on Shakespeare's writing: "oft thought, but ne'er so well expressed"):

"Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people's hats off--then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can. This is my substitute for pistol and ball. With a philosophical flourish Cato throws himself upon his sword; I quietly take to the ship. There is nothing surprising in this. If they but knew it, almost all men in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly the same feelings towards the ocean with me."

Brilliant!

Opening Day!

Well, friends, opening day (besides the fact of who won) was INCREDIBLE. Talk about a once in a lifetime experience. It happened like this:

I was minding my own business Monday morning, getting ready for school, when Melissa came bursting in to say that Brian (that guy from volleyball) had tickets to opening day in the Bronx, but his wife had fallen the night before and broken her leg. He called Uncle Paul to see if we wanted them!!! Can you believe it?!

So Uncle Paul, Melissa and I all piled into the car then and there, happily blowing off classes once again (despite the fact that I had a group presentation - my prof is a baseball fan, I knew he'd understand). We made our excited way NY, which was an adventure in itself, since I've really only been there in a passing through kind of way.

There's no way I can cover all the incredible details, but can I just tell you that walking into Yankee Stadium with my Red Sox hat on was as close to facing a firing squad as I ever want to get? My pulse was going so fast it was just one solid beat. But we stuck together and found our seats, which were next to some Red Sox fans from Boston! Of course there was instant camaraderie of the deepest kind.

The introduction of the players was one of the happiest moments of my life. I have seen many of them play before - but never as WORLD CHAMPIONS!!! My voice is still recovering from that moment.

Of course we were subjected to many taunts and jeers - but we remained stalwart to the end - and added a few jibes of our own in return (when there were security men in the near vicinity). After all, we knew who was on top. Oh man, what a rush.

Well, yes, you're all very smart readers to have been skeptical while reading this post. And rightly so. I watched the game on the couch in the den, while working on a paper due the following day. And I went to bed in about the 6th inning, since I had to get up early to finish my paper. Sigh.

But hey, in the legendary words of "Angels in the Outfield" fame: It could happen!